I know I've been quiet as of late, but I've been in "crunch" week for a play. See, we did Seussical the Musical. I love this play to death. It's basically all of Dr. Seuss's favorite books combined into one. It's awesome. But when we did it this time, there was a great deal of pain involved for me.
This wasn't the first time I've done this show with CFT. We did it five years ago, the first year I joined. I played the female lead, a little girl named Jojo, who feels she's "Alone in the Universe", because no one listens to her amazing thinks, and no one thinks she can amount to anything. That play was my favorite of all time.
 The memories that exuded from that production have stayed with me through the years. The yellow and orange "bathtub" in which I sang my song, "It's Possible." Cracking jokes with the Cat in the Hat onstage. Falling off set peices. Being frightened as ominous "hunches" came toward me in the dark stage. Yes, I was nine. But, I remember that play like it was yesterday.
I had a few moments on that stage that were mine. Just mine. And I haven't had that since. Especially not this year, when I've had a total of four words all my own.
 I had fun doing Seussical again. I had fun being a "Who", and a "Cadet", and a "Fish".
 But, as I was onstage doing those new dances, and saying those same lines, the memories in my head flooded my brain, overwhelmed me, and left me sobbing in the bathroom stalls at The Art Place. I want to go back. To when times were simpler. When the people in my life made things easier, and not more complicated. When I had lines.
When what gave me joy was not taking pictures of the leads, but being one of those leads. When I didn't blend into the wall.
I love acting to death. But, it drains me.