Evaluating Friends

Tonight, as I lie in my bunk, I'm evaluating my friendships. Who is in my life that isn't good for me, who I should probably see more of, and the people that are grating on my nerves right now.
I have a hard time with friendships in general. I love friends, but it's so complicated.
Like, how good of a friend do you have to be to ask if you can talk to them and that not be weird? I've known some people since I was 9 years old that I wouldn't be able to have a conversation with them without feeling awkward. And then there's the opposite of that, where people are wanting to be my friend so much to the point of smothering me.
It makes me feel like wearing a sign around my neck that says, "I would love to talk to you! For like 10 minutes and then I might need a break, depending on who you are." Because I don't mind talking to people, I really don't. But sometimes your friends smother you.
I'm going through a tough time right now where I don't know who my friends are anymore. I sat and wept (really silently) in church this morning, because I don't know who to count on.
That sucks.
It sucks to know that most of the friendships you thought you had, depended on seeing the people regularly. If you had asked me a year ago how many close friends I had, I would have said probably close to 15. This year, I cut back on a lot of social outlets, and now it's about 3.
Because when you don't see people regularly  you lose touch, and sooner or later you realize you never talk to that person.
Again, it sucks.
And so, tonight I'm evaluating my friends. Who I need, who I don't, who I should strive to see more of, and who I should try to see less of.
It's heartbreaking realizing people you would have said would have been there holding your hand through everything are turning on you, just when you need it.
But, it's also refreshing to know exactly where I stand.
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." - Proverbs 18:24