The Void

At this stage in teenagerdom, we tend to start liking people of opposite genders. Sure, we've had crushes for years, but this is where it really starts. This is where we complicate relationships and analyze things that shouldn't be analyzed. This is where "friend zones" start and where break ups happen.
And this is where we try to fill the void.
I don't know about the rest of the world, but when I don't like anyone, it sort of makes me feel like there's something wrong with me and I'm going to end up as an old maid with forty seven cats.
But I don't go out and have a crush on the first guy I see just to have a crush on someone.
You know what the problem is?
There are people like that in the world.
There are people who will go out and like the first girl or guy they see just so they can fill the void of wanting to have a crush on someone.
I know because it happened to me.
There was a guy who liked me, but it was conditional. He thought maybe I liked him back, but as soon as I made it clear I didn't like anyone, he was gone.
And not only was he gone, but he liked another girl within the next three days.
Just to fill that void.
I don't want someone to like me just to fill the void. I don't want to be a fill-in, a replacement, a filler. I want someone to love me for me. Whether or not the void needs to, wants to, or is already filled.
I want someone to not even think about the void when they see me. I don't want someone to have to force me into the void. "Here, like her. She fits in the void!"
No. I want someone to wake up one day and go, "Holy cow. When did I fall in love with her?!"
I want someone to love me without thinking about the void.
I want the void to disappear.
Because if I get shoved into one more void, I might scream.
And I hear screams echo in empty spaces.